Ride
by ShadowHeart003
Summary: It's a toxic, co-dependent, awful relationship, but it is their relationship. Usually Iruka has got it under control, but things have never been this bad. Anyway Kakashi promised he wouldn't hurt him. . . so he's safe right? Mental disorder, fluffy romance, hard angst and a failed government system? Yaoi, lemon, lime KakaxIruk IrukXKaka
1. Ch 1 - Daddy

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Some OC, Yoai, Lemon, Lime . . .**

 **Side note: One day I found this story written in one of my old diaries from back in the day hidden in my closet. I guess at the time I was too afraid to publish anything. I mainly spent my time reading other people's stories. But now I don't give a fuuuuuhhhhh! So here. K I love you byyyeeee! Please Review!**

* * *

Traveling back home, all Kakashi could think about was once again walking the streets of his home village.

Walking down the street, all Kakashi could think about was climbing the stairs to his apartment.

Zipping up the steps to his flat, all Kakashi could think about was being engulfed by cinnamon brown arms.

He threw the door open. The sound of it knocking the back wall echoed throughout the hollow apartment.

No one was home.

His shoes were the first to go as he made his way to his room. Shoes seemed to litter the apartment floor.

It was a simple layout. The entrance led to the living room, a couch and a television. Around the corner was a small kitchen.

Further back was open space, that most tenants treated like a dining area. There was a small, circular wood table littered with paper, rarely used.

Beyond that was a hallway, on the right hand side was a closet that hid the washer/dryer set and linen.

After that was the powder room. Directly across the hall was a small room, out of bounds.

The end of the hallway was the master bedroom where Kakashi stripped off most of his clothes, leaving them on the floor.

He fell face first into the fluffy king sized bed, falling to sleep immediately.

* * *

Click.

The smallest noise could wake the nin. He heard stirring in the apartment.

Keys being tossed on the counter, mail being torn open, shoes being kicked off.

Some mutterings about how something was some bullshit.

He's home.

Kakashi hopped to his feet.

He charged down the hall, wrapped his arms around an unsuspecting body. "Aaaahh fuck!"

"I'm home!"

"For how long?"

"No assignments that I know of."

"Good. SO you can get some rest."

"Rest! Why would I need rest?" Kakashi hoisted the brown haired man up and spun him around. "Damn you look good."

"Yeah yeah yeah, that's what you tell all the girls you want to fuck".He was not flattered.

"Yes! But with you it's true Dolphin." Kakashi wasn't lying. He squeezed the Umino in his arms, resting his chin on an exposed shoulder,

taking in the embrace. Iruka awkwardly stood, clinging to the arms wrapped around his waist, waiting for the moment to pass.

It had been a while since anyone had held him like this.

Kakashi knew.

Without Kakashi, the days seemed to pass on without him. There were entire days where Iruka would go without speaking to anyone above the age of 13.

Days he didn't teach, he didn't speak at all. He was cool with his co-workers but they were just that, co-workers.

He filled most of his time with work, the only free time he had was spent sleeping, eating, staring blankly at the television, or paying bills.

He had plenty of of those.

Iruka turned around and wrapped his arms around the copy-nin's shoulders, returning the hug.

He forgot how good Kakashi smelt. It was a mix of pine trees and vanilla.

"I really missed you." Kakashi kissed the lazy head that rested on his chest and released him. Iruka didn't want the hug to end but hid it well.

"What's for dinner?" Kakashi switched the mood.

"Oh hell no, I just walked in the house -"

"I'm kidding! Damn." He wasn't. "Let's go out to eat".

Going out to eat meant getting take out from the nearest restaurant and wolfing it down on the couch.

An hour and a half later, they were doing just that, lounging in their house clothes.

They were a cluttered mix of sweat shirts, sweat pants, throw blanket, and loose messy hair.

* * *

"Iruka come here". A hollow whisper tickled his ear.

Arms were wrapped around his waist drawing his hips up into a hard bulge. "I'm sleep! Leave me alone!" Iruka whined.

"But daddy's home."

"Really?" Iruka was unimpressed.

Kakashi knew all of Iruka's buttons and just how to push them. Straddling the Umino, he feathered his lips in the crook of the tan, unwilling neck below him.

He firmly collected brown hair into a fist and gently tugged.

He softly kissed a now blushing cheek, shoulder blade, neck, still grasping hair, pushing Iruka's face into the pillow a bit.

Kakashi woke up in the middle of the night, abandoned on the couch.

Iruka had retreated into his room, the small one to the left.

Iruka enjoyed acting as if they were roommates. Well not enjoyed, but knew it was for the best.

"Stooo-hahahaha-nnnn."

Kakashi complied. This would seem like victory lost to the untrained lover. But he knew better.

Kakashi released Iruka from his gentle grasp and left the small room, but not without first faintly whispering "I love you, dolphin".

It was wrong but it worked.

Years ago, Iruka had confessed that he hadn't been told that he was loved very often whilst a child.

Not from anyone who hadn't soon died or abandoned him after uttering the words.

The first time he had heard the words genuinely spoken to him was when he lost his virginity to his sensei as a teen boy.

Afterwards, he started associating the word with sex. For some sick reasoned it turned him on.

The pursuit of that feeling of being truly loved could turn him into anyone's bitch.

Every now and again, if he were desperate, Kakashi took advantage, just to get him crawling into his bed.

Neither of them had gotten any since Kakashi left for his assignment two months ago.

"You think you're slick huh Kakashi-kun?"

Iruka glided into the master bedroom, where the silver nin waited expectantly.

* * *

"You're a piece of work."

Iruka's attempt to crawl from out of Kakashi's sleepy grasp causing the other man to stir and flop over.

His arm toppled onto the mattress like a ton of bricks.

"Ruka". A voice growled under a mix of silver hair and sweat.

Iruka paid him no mind, forcing his briefs over his plump ass. His wife beater was slightly worn from tugging."

"Night, go to sleep".

Iruka stumbled down the pitch black hall to his room. The air around him was cold, with the carpet beneath his feet being his only comfort.

Iruka collapsed onto his twin sized bed, tucked into the corner of his room. It was just enough room for him and him only.

Just how he liked it. In fact, the bedroom itself was just big enough to fit his bed, small desk, chair, and several piles of lesson plans,

ungraded assignments, and bills.

In the stillness of the night, he could hear Kakashi fidgeting in his room.

"Rukaaa! What the fuck?" Kakashi just could not fill the void that Iruka left behind.

The words fell upon deaf ears, Iruka had already fallen back into his deep slumber.

* * *

Wank! Wank! Wank! Wank!

Pack!

Iruka's struck the dismiss button on his alarm, trying his best to calm his startled heart.

After overcoming the shock of another day, all he could do was smile. Curled up in a pitiful ball on the ground,was a half-clothed copy-nin.

". . ."

The faint scream of Kakashi's alarm rang throughout the apartment. It had been for hours.

"What's gonna be your excuse for being late this time?"

For a member of the ANBU and one of Konoha's most elite nins, Hatake was acting like quite the heavy sleeper.

It may have been due to the fact that his body was still trapped in a cocoon of sexual bliss, or maybe it was the fact that even the carpeted,yet hard floor was the most comfortable bed he had had in two months.

Maybe it was because he was finally home, safe, with the only person he ever trusted.

The truth was, he didn't want to leave the warm spot the sun made for him on the floor of Iruka's room.

It was best to ignore the arrival of a new day and steal as much morning rays as possible before opening his eyes for good.

* * *

Now that we got the cutesy stuff out the way, it's time to get real. **Let me know what you think.**


	2. Ch 2 - Question Deferred

Thock!

He saw it coming, he knew what the other was trying to do, but he ignored it.

Thock!

He momentarily lost track of where he was reading, which momentarily irritated him.

He looked up, with only is eyes, and then back to his Icha Icha Paradise.

Thock!

"What."

Thock.

"Kakashi began getting up to leave the bed."

"Nooooo." Iruka grabbed a leg. "I'll stop I'll stop."

A peace washed through the cavernous bedroom. The two men sat in the king sized bed.

One sprawled out, reading their book at the head of the bed, the other sitting Indian style, rubber banding moc scrolls together for class.

Life was so wonderfully monotonous. They were buds again, roommates again, occasional fuck buddies again.

Over the days Iruka had migrated into Kakashi's room. The first time he spent the night there, it was an accident.

Kakashi was up all night in pain, which meant Iruka was up all night, running ice packs to him, messaging his sore muscles, and attempting to make his friend laugh.

The second time, they saw that their electric bill was higher than usual.

This led to them up all night blaming each other for leaving things on, renegotiating who would pay what bill, chores, and why they don't sublet Iruka's room since Kakashi was rarely home.

The third time, they got lost in a conversation about various social injustices, how screwed up they were, why they were screwed up, inside jokes from their childhood, how they don't miss their childhood, how they missed each other, how Kakashi wanted Iruka to turn around and just take his boxers off, how lonely Iruka could get sometimes, jokes about how tight Iruka's ass was . . .

Two weeks later and Iruka had completely abandoned his room.

The paperwork on his desk turned into paperwork that collected at the foot of the bed.

* * *

"Why? Seriously I want to know why?"

There were a million reasons why, all hard to say. But none worth leaving.

Living with Kakashi was a balancing act, one that Iruka was an expert at. Almost.

He had his own room, which was probably designed to be a child's room or a home office.

When things were good, which it usually was, Iruka would often find himself nestled in the arms of his lover in the big, fluffy king size bed in the master bedroom.

His toothbrush would find its way into the attached full bathroom. Later his hair products, cologne, and mouth guard would soon pop up too.

Their laundry would begin to intertwine and soon he would catch Kakashi wearing his pants, or he would resort to sleeping in Kakashi's old shirts.

However, whenever he needed time alone or safety from the mood swing of the day, he had a place to retreat.

"Seriously, we might as well call ourselves a couple. We already live together. We already um. . ."

Kakashi slightly bucked his hips into the soft ass he was spooning, eliciting a school girl laugh from Iruka. "Hm?"

"Look. What we have works for us."

"It works for you." Kakashi gave up. The playful mood died down into a slight mix of broken ego and embarrassment.

The silver nin shifted to his back, unraveling his arms from Iruka's body.

He folded his hands under his head, and focused on the memories that danced across the ceiling above him.

Catching the fleeting playful mood before it had completely left, Iruka crept his hands into an exposed armpit.

He pinched and grabbed several strands of hair and tugged.

The body beside him jumped. "Aaaahhh Ruka! Really?"

He did it again. Kakashi's arms snapped, trapping his hands into his moist pits.

Iruka quickly regretted his decision, ripping his hand out. But immaturity kicked in again.

He liked the attention.

Iruka began pinching any exposed flesh he could dig his fingernails into.

"You're so weird Iruka! Go away. Go to your room!" Kakashi began swatting. Iruka would not quit.

Kakashi managed to grab one of the hands that were assaulting him. "Staaaahhhp!"

His grasp tightened, a tad too hard, demanding Iruka to leave him alone.

The pain in his wrist only inspired the Umino to bring Kakashi's pale, lean arm to his mouth and sink his teeth into his flesh.

"Uuuuhh! Iruka!" Kakashi had enough. His training kicked in.

Iruka blinked and suddenly he was on his back with the copy-nin straddling his body.

His right palm was being crushed under the weight of Kakashi's right knee.

His left arm was stretched above him and pinned to the bed by Kakashi's left hand.

The top of his throat was firmly grasped by Kakashi's right hand. He could still breath, but could not move otherwise.

Iruka smirked at his seemed defeat.

Kakashi caught the mischief in his brown eyes just before he noticed the hips below him grinding between his legs.

"Why are you so agitating!"

This drove Iruka to be more aggressive.

He arched his pack, pushing his manhood into the body above him.

He managed to slip his hand free from the knee it was under. He wasn't a quitter.

Kakashi felt a sharp pain just above his hip as Iruka jabbed his finger into his side. "Aaahh! Kami Ow!"

Kakashi folded under the pain, he fell over, releasing Iruka.

"Oh shit shit shit sorry!"

"You play too much Ruka! Damn!"

The superficial wound of the injury had healed, but it was still sensitive to the touch,especially to violent jabs.

"I am so sorry!"

"You know that's the spot Ruka!"

"Aaaaww you want me to kiss it to make it better?" Iruka puckered his lips and began traveling down to the assaulted area.

"Get away from me!"

Iruka gently kissed the bruised flesh.

Then a spot next to it, then another, starting a trail to the hem of Kakashi's boxers.

He grabbed the elastic band that hugged the narrow waist with his pearly white teeth.

He lifted the fabric slightly, revealing a half erect penis under a silky wave of silver hair.

Iruka waited until he received Kakashi's full attention before his released his jaw, allowing the fabric to snap back down.

Kakashi propped himself onto his elbows to get a better view of the attention seeking behavior, daring Iruka to go further, as his erection began to swell.

Iruka dragged his warm tongue on the thin fabric that covered Kakashi's need.

Kakashi's head fell back.

Iruka puckered his lips, using them to feel for the the tip of the begging penis underneath the fabric.

"Nn"

He found it. Wrapped his lips around it. Allowed his warm breath to sink through the fabric.

He felt the shaft harden and grow.

Just when Iruka knew Kakashi was his, he lept up, pecked him on the cheek, and hopped out of bed.

"Well I guess I'll leave you alone now. Bye!"

"Ai!" Kakashi was fast.

Just before Iruka could reach the bedroom door, Kakashi had gripped a fistful of his thick hair, he liked grabbing his hair.

Soon he was being dragged back into the room.

"You're going to finish what you started". At the bed he forced Iruka's head down and into the bulge in his boxers.

Iruka was overpowered, his submissive nature kicked in.

He tore down the boxers before him. Out plunged Kakashi's thick, hard rod.

Before he could prepare his jaw, the head of the Jounin's penis was already shoving itself down his throat.

His body panicked and gagged.

Kakashi was stronger than the violent bodily reflexes of Iruka. He would pull out when he was ready to.

Maybe when Iruka was reminded who was in charge.

Iruka managed to peer up at the Hatake.

Only when Kakashi saw his eyes redden and tear did he yank Iruka's head back.

Iruka gasped for air, stuffing his lungs as much as he could with air.

Kakashi allowed him a moment to breathe, but not to completely catch his breath.

He plowed his member back down his throat. Iruka relaxed, taking it all in.

He knew there was no way out.

Noticing the lack of strain below him, Kakashi pushed himself further down Iruka's throat.

"PUH! Huh!" Iruka's body desperately jerked back. Iruka's tanned skin was now flushed red.

Kakashi proudly looked down at his work.

"Get up." He pulled Iruka up and knelt him over the side of the bed so his ass was in perfect position.

Iruka could either fight back, or catch his breath. He chose the latter. Kakashi snatched down his sweatpants and boxers.

He slid his cold hand down the slit in the tan ass before him. "Open your legs."

Kakashi knelt down, spreading the man's soft cheeks, and spat into Iruka's entrance.

He forced a dry finger through.

"How are you still this tight Ruka?" He chuckled.

He took his finger back out and replaced it with two more,than three, painfully stretching a way for his dick. Iruka hissed.

He spat into his hand, and rubbed it on his throbbing penis. Positioned and began cramming himself into Iruka's ass.

"Aaaaaahhh Fuck!" A sharp pain shot itself up Iruka's spine.

Kakashi paused, allowing Iruka a break and a moment to adjust. Then he drove deeper in search for Iruka's prostate.

"Nn! Kashi!"

Found it.

The walls around him clung tight to his shaft, making it hard to pump in and out.

He liked the challenge. He gripped Iruka's hips for leverage, pulled out a little and plunged himself deep.

All Iruka could do is whimper in pain, then pleasure as Kakashi hit his prostate with each thrust.

KaKashi found his stroke, thrusting back and forth. He began messaging Iruka's back to relax him. "Faster." The word escaped Iruka's lips.

Kakashi grunted and complied.

Iruka grabbed his ignored penis and began pumping it with each thrust.

"Uh! UH! Kami! Nnn!"

Iruka was close, Kakashi was just getting started. He stopped abruptly. "Stop it."

"Please Kakashi." Iruka couldn't.

"Let go or I will stop." Kakashi began to pull out.

Iruka tore his hand away from his hard erection.

"Good boy."

He reached for another fistful of Iruka's now sweat drenched hair, pulling the other man to stand up.

Iruka fell limp with pleasure into his chest.

Supporting them both, Kakashi reached around and clung onto the base of Iruka's begging need. "Not til I tell you baby."

Kakashi swung them towards a nearby wall. With compromised reflexes, Iruka was unable to stop his body from slamming into the hard surface.

The shock nearly knocked the breath out of him.

"Time out Time out Time out Time out."

Kakashi threw his up hands in surrender, he knew the rules.

Iruka steadied himself on the wall re-calibrating himself to the new position he was in."Ok".

Kakashi restarted his thrusts grabbing the base of Iruka's pulsating penis again, stopping him from cumming.

His legs were numb beneath him, Iruka was lost in a mix of pleasure and pain. Frustration and bliss. Control and helplessness.

These feelings buzzed throughout his body, tingling out from his fingers and toes.

"Uh!" Kakashi began thrusting erratically. He had lost all control, pushing Iruka into the wall, bucking hard.

Iruka felt a warmth fill from deep within him.

After dumping his entire load into Iruka's ass, Kakashi pulled out. He whipped Iruka around and slammed him back onto the wall.

He wedged his knee in between his legs, supporting the limp man on his knee.

Lifting him slightly, his eyes locked into to pleading brown eyes.

"You done playing?"

All Iruka could do is attempt to steady his breath in vain. He needed to cum now.

"Huh Dolphin?"

"Yes". He helplessly cooed the breathless response.

With that, Kakashi began firmly stroking the length of Iruka's penis.

He rested his head on Iruka's soaking wet shoulder for leverage.

"Nn! Ah! Ka -kash-fuck!" Iruka was cumming. Hard.

Kakashi would not stop. He pumped his hand as Iruka began bucking. He steadily increased his rhythm.

"Ahhh! Hn Hn!" Iruka was screaming like a girl.

Iruka, dug his nails into Kakashi's shoulders, it was his only defense. By the time Kakashi finished, Iruka was trembling uncontrollably.

Kakashi looked at his work, and saw that it was good.

He lifted Iruka's chin and placed a soft kiss on parted lips.

Maintaining sinister eye contact, Kakashi licked traces of Iruka's s cum off his hand.

Kakashi disappeared.

Iruka was abandoned at the wall.

The copy nin reappeared with a warm, wet rag. He was rough but still a gentleman.

He led Iruka back to his . . . their bed. Iruka climbed on and rested on his side. Kakashi began cleaning him off.

He starting off with his stomach then the cum that began dripping down his leg from his abused entrance. The cloth was left on the nightstand.

He hovered over Iruka's cheek. "Get under the covers." The words rose Iruka from the sleep he was sinking into.

He crawled under the fluffy grey comforter and crisp, thin pearl colored sheets. Kakashi tucked him in before slipping into the bed beside him.

Question deferred.


	3. Ch 3 - Here We Go Again

"Dammit!"

Things were good until they weren't.

"Kakashi why don't you go watch TV and I'll finish up."

The mix of sizzling fish and vegetables, chopping, water boiling and buzzing of the fluorescent bulb above became sensory overload.

Being home demanded some level of adjustment.

"I'm fine."

He wasn't.

He had been on a month long mission in the land of sound.

For weeks he spent day and night in the woods, his senses heightened, on edge.

His life in constant danger. Things that seemed real were decoys, things that were real came out of nowhere.

Just the other day he was being chased by shadowy figures.

A third of the way through his assignment, he realized his guide, a person he started to grow attached to, was a double agent, at least he was 80% sure. Either way, late one night, he had to slit his throat in his sleep . . . just to be safe.

Now he was home, cooking a fish and vegetable stir fry.

"Can you please stop humming?"

Usually Iruka would ask who the hell the Jounin thought he was talking to, but he knew what was going on.

He stopped humming.

Kakashi dumped a pot full of rice into a sizzling mix of vegetables, spices, soy sauce, and fish. He aggressively worked it into the food.

Steam rose into his face.

It reminded him of the steam that clouded his vision during his journey through the land of mist.

Sharp needles sliced his face as he ran to take cover and figure out where the enemy was.

The suspense that built in Kakashi's throat as he expected the same prickly sensation was unnerving.

He froze.

The food burned.

"Hon!" Iruka was sure to get Kakashi's attention before touching him.

A blank, dark eye stared back at him - lost. Iruka took the handle of the frying pan, and moved it off the fire.

Kakashi's arms fell to his sides as Iruka rubbed his shoulders and took his cold hands into his.

He guided the hands to his waist.

He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, embracing him into a light kiss. "Can you pick something out for us to watch while I finish up?"

Kakashi allowed him to untie his apron. Underneath was a fitted black shirt and boxers. Kakashi left for the living room.

* * *

"I got another assignment this Wednesday."

The two sat on the couch scratching at their plates with their forks.

Some comedy news satirists was screaming about some new government conspiracy.

"Absolutely not." Iruka knew better.

"It's a short one. Simple espionage. Should be back in 2 weeks, 2 weeks and 3 days tops. If things go -"

"If things go right, which they never do. You just got back. No."

"Well, I am needed. We need the extra money. Plus you can cut back on some of your hours".

"I'm a teacher, there is no cutting back". Iruka smiled.

"At the office."

"Kakashi, no."

"I mean I already got the go ahead and signed off so I'm going."

"Whatever. I don't care." He did care. But there was no talking to the Hatake.

"Don't get all pissy I'm just letting you know."

"I just can't believe they're only giving you three days to recover."

"I'm a professional."

Here we go. Was all Iruka could think.

This was the 4th assignment Kakashi had taken in the past several months, each lasted 2 - 4 weeks depending.

He was on an upswing and the powers that be were taking advantage of his extra energy.

He had virtually stopped sleeping. That was a sign.

"Well you're gonna have to sleep at some point in time if you want to be fresh for your departure".

The sun seemed to come up and go down with the Hatake still wandering the streets of Konoha, bar hopping with friends, bringing some poor girl home to fuck and love at night and abandon in the morning.

The house was littered with small projects he started and abandoned.

He was going to finish repainting the kitchen cabinets, fix the powder room toilet so that you no longer had to jiggle the knob to make it flush, and build a bed frame for the pile of mattresses Iruka treated like a bed.

In between each project came another _super important_ assignment.

In the living room was tossed wood from the bed frame set, the toilet in the powder room was deconstructed and no longer functioning, and the kitchen cabinets were lined with painter's tape.

Kakashi didn't want Iruka to finish the projects out of principle.

Iruka didn't come around to finishing the projects because he worked 60 + hours a week and was exhausted.

"I'm serious, when is the last time you've slept? Like really slept?"

"I took a nap this morning."

"Fuck it, I don't care, die."

Iruka collected the plates and headed back to the kitchen.

The next morning, Iruka woke to an empty house, a check for the rent, and painted cabinets.


	4. Ch 4 - Versatile Love

The bills were piling up.

The rent was taken care off, but the cost of utilities had skyrocketed for the summer.

It did not help that Iruka was often too tired to cook, so he found himself in a cycle of living off of take out.

Iruka was used to not having money. You can't miss something you never had.

What frustrated him was the fact that if it weren't for Kakashi's random shopping sprees, party sprees, and charity sprees (When he would literally start giving money away to anyone who asked) they would be fine.

In fact they would be more than fine. But the reality of the situation was, the money Kakashi did receive was spent as soon as it was earned.

They had to take out credit cards to make ends meet and were now stuck paying them off as well.

This fueled the Umino's anger.

It made him apathetic to Kakashi's mental state.

He had ridden this ride time and time again and he was ready to get off.

Technically there was nothing stopping him from leaving. But to where? To what?

Was he really going to move from a luxury Jounin apartment complex where he could barely afford the bills to a shitty, cramped apartment where he would still barely be able to afford the bills?

And what would become of his friend?

The closest thing to family he had every known after having his parents torn away from him as a young child?

Plus Kakashi needed him, now more than ever.

The thought that most haunted him was that of being alone.

Living alone.

Could he?

Whatever the trouble was, he knew that it was only temporary.

If he monitored the copy-nin and protected him from himself, things would soon go back to normal.

He just had to hang on for the ride.

* * *

"Oh my goodness, I forgot how gay you were." Iruka laughed to himself.

"Hey!" Kakashi barked. "I'm not gay, I'm BI."

"Polar."

"You know what?" Kakashi shoved Iruka. "That was low."

"You're right sorry. That was too far."

"Come on Ruka pleeeaassee."

The two men were lounging in the giant bed, intertwined in a mix of sheets and clothes.

It was sunday and the two spent it enjoying eachother's company, getting used to dozing off and waking back up into each other's arms.

Kakashi was now pulling Iruka over himself. He wanted to be fucked.

"Kashi nooo. I'm tired."

"Come on." Kakashi reached over and kept tugging. "He nestled his nose into the crick of Iruka's neck. "Come on."

He started pecking his neck with kisses. "I'm so horny for you please."

"Okaay! Ok! Brat." Iruka reached for the nightstand for a condom and tube of lube. "Take your boxers off."

Kakashi did as he was told, getting completely naked. This was going to be interesting.

Iruka had prided himself on being a power Uke, a label he grew into over the years.

Every now and again the couple would experiment, usually when Kakashi was in one of his moods. "Turn around."

Only wearing a t-shirt Iruka climbed on top of Kakashi, sitting on his willing ass.

He pressed his palm up and around the slender back under him. "You are so tense."

Iruka giggled. He began working two stiff, newly healed shoulders.

He ground his thumbs into the back of the sun kissed neck. "Mm."

The sound escaped the Jounin's mouth as his mind blanked with pleasure.

He hugged the pillow that cushioned his head.

Iruka began working down to Kakashi's lower back. He knew that he would need to have the want-to-be Uke completely relaxed.

He scooted down, now working the nervous, pale cheeks beneath him. "See you're already messing up. You scared."

"Shut up." Kakashi's blood pressure rose.

Iruka knelt down and sunk his teeth into the vulnerable flesh. The body below him jerked. "Heheheheh."

Iruka let lube from the bottle run into and through his fingers. It dripped onto a quivering ass.

He knew he would need a lot. Iruka restarted massaging the ass, digging deeper into the tissue.

A lone finger crept its way through Kakashi's entrance.

Kakashi hissed.

"Big baby." This was fun.

Iruka dripped some more lube into the crack of his ass. It tensed a bit with each cold droplet.

Iruka returned his finger along with another and another. He knew to be gentle.

Despite his gentle efforts, Kakashi could not fully adjust to the foreign feeling. This was as relaxed as he was going to be.

Iruka retrieved his fingers from the death grip they worked themselves through.

He fiddled with the condom wrapper, then skillfully rolled the thin latex down his pulsing need.

Using more lube, he massaged his own cock in preparation.

"You ready Hatake?" Iruka was amused.

"Mm."

Iruka placed his tip to the clenched entrance. He began pushing. The flesh snapped close around him. "Ah fuck!" The two cried in unison.

"Please relax honey." Iruka chuckled. He pulled back out. "Breath."

He went back to using his fingers. This time he sank them deeper, widening his ass a little more. "You want to try again?" Iruka smiled.

"Just go Iruka."

Iruka switched back to his penis. He pressed his dick back into the hole.

"Ah!"

He paused, leaning down, he licked the trembling back below him. "Breath copy-cat. I know it's a lot but you have to relax."

Iruka took exaggerated breaths, coaching Kakashi. "Listen to me - seriously. I'm not playing." Kakashi gave in.

He had a high pain tolerance, but this was an entirely different experience.

I promise I am not going to go further until you're ok. Kakashi began breathing deeply and exhaling slowly.

It was working. Kakashi was calming down. He was following expert advice.

During the next inhale Iruka began sinking deeper again.

"Mmm. Ah. Shit Ruka!"

Iruka did not stop this time. He continued deeper. He only paused once he was fully engulfed.

He lowered himself onto Kakashi's back, embracing him.

Two pale arms clenched the pillow that supported the silver-nin's light head.

The Umino played with flush, red ears with his teeth and tongue.

He breathed into the clammy neck, which sent shivers down Kakashi's back.

"Tell me when you're ready." He buried his face into thick silver hair, inhaling vanilla.

The body shifted beneath him, struggling to adjust. "Amateur".

Kakashi took this as a challenge. He started grinding into Iruka's painful erection. Iruka gently bucked back.

He pulled out ever so slightly and pushed back in.

He pulled out a little more and pushed back in as gently as possible.

"Nn."

He found the pleasure gland deep inside.

He ground his dick into it, he wanted Kakashi to feel good after all the hard work he had done.

Muscles pulsed around his cock, messaging pre-cum out of him. "Uh." This felt good.

He had found a soft rhythm that was tolerable for both of them.

Kakashi buried his head deeper into the pillows, his erection ground into the mattress.

Iruka rocked a little more indulging in his own pleasure.

"Ah, ah, ah." Kakashi felt like a bitch, wincing with each thrust.

Iruka raised up again.

He grabbed two slim hips for leverage as he began pumping harder.

Iruka peered down momentarily to make sure Kakashi was ok.

He noticed a crimson leaking from the abused flesh.

He stopped and carefully pulled out. "Honey you're bleeding."

Iruka retrieved a damp wash cloth. He lightly dabbed the sore area. After cleaning up the mess he made, he gathered more lube.

"Come here." Seduced the nin. The lube had a warming agent that increased sensitivity, it also tasted like strawberries.

He spent the next 10 minutes rewarding Kakashi for being such a brave boy, pumping his own erection until they both came into each other's stomachs.

"You are so amazing."

Iruka slipped away to his room.

* * *

"Iruka! Come here!"

Iruka heard bags rustling.

Uh oh.

Iruka had just finished grading papers.

The only thought left on his fried brain was plopping into his own bed, that was strategically placed behind his desk.

He turned in his swivel chair and fell face first into his bed.

"Did you hear me? I called you." Kakashi was now at his door.

"What?"

"I picked up a couple of things for you."

Shit. There goes the electric bill.

Kakashi begun tossing handfuls of clothing items at Iruka. "Can I see you try them on?"

"Kami Kakashi, $30 for a shirt?"

"NO! No. You're not doing that. You deserve nice things Iuka. And it's my money so shut up."

"You promise none of this was on a card?"

"Look don't patronize me first off." Iruka was sure to see a giant credit card bill by the end of the month. "I also got you this. This is what I really wanted to show you".

He took out a Emerald ring. Iruka's birthstone. He knelt on one knee and slipped it onto Iruka's finger.

"It's your birthstone. I saw it and . . . I just want to thank you for being my friend and for putting up with me.I know it's been hard lately with me working so much."

Kakashi had an ominous glow in his eyes. Iruka recognized the hypo-manic look.

"And I want you to stop spending so much time in your room, and come back. I promise no more arguments, and petty fights.

I promise to be your best friend and lover I can possibly be. No more girls. I want to start something real with you."

If they were not having sex or about to have sex, they were arguing.

If they weren't arguing, Kakashi was out spending money, bringing random girls home that were more than willing to replace Iruka as his sex buddy, and popping a pill or two.

"Kakashi you can do whatever you want. We are not a couple. But thank you. I do appreciate it. Thank you so much for thinking about me."

Iruka's toothbrush was back in the powder room.

His hair products were on top of his dresser, and his mouth guard was on his nightstand.

He hadn't even stepped into the master bedroom beyond taking a shower. When he did, Kakashi was never around to witness.

It wasn't anything personal, he just needed sleep.

With Kakashi coming in and out of the master bedroom, constantly hopping in and out of the bed, wanting to start long conversations at 2 AM, egging him to fuck every couple of minutes, it was impossible to do so.

If they were to officially declare themselves a couple or anything more than occasional fuck buddies, Iruka would be trapped.

Trapped in that room, in a codependent, unhealthy relationship, all hope for a stable life would be lost.

Though he wasn't actively seeking anyone knew, he never planned for Kakashi to be the person he would settle down with.

His room was a reminder that he was still single, this was all temporary, and he could leave whenever he wanted.

Not that he ever would, not now at least. Where would he go? One day though.

Right?


	5. Ch 5 - He Knows

"Hi, I would like to return these please. And I apologize in advance, but I do not have the receipt."

Kakashi developed a habit of throwing away receipts whenever he went on these shopping sprees. They only led to arguments.

"Do you have the card it was purchased with sir?"

"Yes I do."

As long as Iruka kept one of the outfits that was bought for him, he was fine.

He had spent the week parading the other outfits in front of Kakashi whenever they were home at the same time.

But he never took the tags off. Now that Kakashi was off on yet another assignment, he could sneak them back to the store.

"Sir, I have to get my manager's approval before I can return this much money." Poor girl. She couldn't have been older than 16.

The mountain of clothes being returned made her blush.

"Oh no problem, that's fine!" The more polite Iruka was, the smoother this would go.

"Iruka-sensei! Welcome back!"

Good, it was a manager who knew Iruka's situation.

"When your friend came through, I made sure to keep a copy of the receipt."

The manager clicked around on the screen. "I think it will be easier if you tell me what you did keep". The manager chuckled at the list of items.

A line of impatient middle aged women was forming behind him.

Another cashier was called to open an extra register.

Iruka was embarrassed and wanted this to be over. "I uh, kept the blue Jason Crew shirt and the jeans, everything else is here."

"While I do this, check the tags with the receipt please?" The overwhelmed cashier began cross referencing the clothes to the receipt.

"Alright, once she is done, that will be a return of . . . you ready?" The manager smiled and turned the register screen.

Iruka winced. $1,021.93.

"Will that go back to the same card?"

For Kakashi to spend again? Oh hell no. Iruka handed over his card. "Would it be possible to just put it on this one?"

"Let me just double check whether or not it was credit. If it's debit then yes."

Iruka's heart rate rose. Kakashi was known to lie whenever in this state of mind.

"Ok, so it looks like he paid with a couple of cards. So $567 will have to go back on store credit. Aaaaand $5 will go back to your rewards. You may swipe your card for the rest".

"That's fine." Iruka swiped his card and rushed through the prompt.

A mile long receipt printed out.

Avoiding the judgmental glances of those who were waiting in line behind him, Iruka bolted home.

Kakashi would be coming home sometime tonight.

* * *

"Ruuuukkkaaaaa! Yo Umino!"

bANG!bANG!bANG!

3 AM

Oh shit.

Did he find out about him returning the clothes that fast?

How?

I have to be up in 2 more hours.

Thoughts popped into the Umino's delirious head.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Was the only thought Iruka could vocalize.

"I know you can hear me through these cheap ass walls. Hey you doing this with me?"

". . ." Iruka had a theory, don't respond, he'll leave him alone.

"You sleep? Ruka you sleep?"

". . ."

"Oh alright!" Kakashi giggled to himself.

Snnniiifff. Snisnif.

Why was he sniffing so much?

A distant television was clicked on.

Whatever. Success.

Iruka shifted deeper into several layers of blankets and exhaled. He shut his eyes, blocking out the moonlight that flooded his room.

His mind cleared, his face loosened. His breath deepened.

POW!

Iruka choked on his lungs.

His locked door was violently kicked through. "I don't understand how you be locking doors in my house".

4:57 AM

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Did you move my blue mask?"

"WHat?"

"DID YOU MOVE MY BLUE MASK? I CAN'T FIND IT WHERE IS IT?"

Iruka's mind was still blank from sleep and now shock.

"DID YOU DO LAUNDRY TODAY?"

"Check the dryer." Iruka calmed himself.

Kakashi darted out of the room. Light from the laundry closet light poured into Iruka's room, drowning over the moonlight bliss.

Clang. Pat. pat clang.

"I don't see it!"

Frustrated and desperate for sleep, Iruka aggressively stumbled his way to the washer dryer set that was tucked into a closet. "Move."

He knocked the copy-nin out of the way and began strategically digging through the bundle of clothes. No mask.

Iruka shuffled past the silver-nin, who was using a paper towel to cover his nose. The paper towel had spots of blood on it.

Iruka quit, throwing the slightly damp clothes back into the dryer. He rushed into Kakashi's room.

He barely noticed the embarrassed, half-naked woman that struggled to gather the sheets to her exposed breasts.

Nor did he notice the line of powder on the nightstand.

Iruka yanked open the stubborn top drawer of the tall wooden dresser that stood centered on a wall. "Here."

He flung the mask into Kakashi's face, stormed out the master bedroom, felt his way down the dark hall, stumbled back into his room, slamming every door along the way.

* * *

"Hi." Kakashi leant on the door frame, hovering over Iruka who was at his desk grading papers.

He was paler than usual. This skin around his eyes were red.

He looked like shit.

"How may I help you?"

" . . ."

"You're just here to bother me?" Iruka smiled. He made sure to show off his ring.

"I saw you walking from the town center yesterday afternoon."

"Why didn't you say hi?" Iruka bluffed. He was exhausted from the night before.

After a long day at work, he just wanted to avoid all drama, finish his paperwork and go to bed.

"Where are the clothes I bought you?"

"In my closet." Partially true. Iruka was not about to admit anything.

Kakashi marched into the room and slid open the closet drawer. "Old. Old. Old." He began ripping down clothes and hangers.

"As long as you clean up afterwards." Iruka scoffed.

"Oh look the blue shirt I got you. That can stay there. Old old Old."

"Don't forget the hamper." Iruka teased.

Thung!

If Kakashi wanted to hit Iruka, he would have done so.

This was simply attention seeking behavior.

A lone kunai struck the wall Iruka was facing. "There goes our safety deposit". Iruka rolled his eyes.

"You're a fucking ungrateful cunt you know that?" Kakashi knew he returned his gifts.

"Ok well this cunt just paid the electric bill soo."

Kakashi's fought against his rage, which strained through his body. He pressed two fingers against Iruka's head, and shoved.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Iruka growled.

Kakashi was already gone.


	6. Ch 6 - Dead Eyes

"You obviously have forgotten who the fuck I am!"

Another day, another argument

"Kakashi if you do not calm down, I will have to call the authorities." Iruka scoffed.

While Kakashi was away, Iruka found his secret drug stash and threw it away.

Kakashi did not completely lack self-awareness. He had been drifting between mania and hypo-mania for almost half the year.

Now he was desperate. He knew that he was losing his Dolphin.

As a final attempt to bring balance back into his life, he began self-medicating with opiates.

It was his last attempt to releave himself from the energy surging throughout his body and overpowering his mind.

Sniffing was the fastest way to get this relief.

When he came off of the drugs though, it only made him more agitated and violent. And his energy would come back 2-fold.

"I am the FUCKING AUTHORITIES! In fact I am the only thing standing between Konoha and total destruction! I stand between you and oblivion. Every single day, I chase and catch the the the runaway train that is this fucking . .. you know we are on the brink!? All the nations are on the brink of total . . . I just fucking stopped a civil war from ensuing last week? When is the last time you killed! You've seen someone die? My best friend! His eyes just fucking drained and he was gone. But I lived! Of course I lived, because I can't die! I never die! Ruka! I can't die! No matter what. . ."

His thoughts were scattered.

"Ssshhhhhh sh sh shhhh" Iruka firmly grabbed Kakashi's thin pale wrists.

He drew Kakashi's arms to his chest, guiding him into the wall behind him. "Ok. ok. I know".

"No you don't know! What are you? A fucking Chunin? You play babysitter for a living. You've never seen combat. Not real combat!"

"Oh ok." Iruka's tone revealed slight irritation as he began forcing Kakashi to lower himself onto the floor against the wall.

"Get the fuck off me. Are you pushing me? You're playing a dangerous game boy. You know I can get out of this and kill you in under 5 seconds!"

"If you were going to kill me, you would have done so already. Now calm the fuck down. ANd sit." Iruka's chakra began to flow as the two began to lower.

He had done this many times with his young students whenever their tantrums became severe.

For a moment he found humor in the fact he had to do this with a grown man.

"Kakashi look into my eyes please."

"If you don't get the fuck off of me!" Kakashi forgot how strong Iruka was. "I don't want to hurt you boy." He threatened.

The brown haired man wasn't phased by the empty threat. Plus he had a plan.

He straddled Kakashi's bent knees, using the force of his weight to push his legs straight.

Iruka uncrossed Kakashi's arms, and placed his fists into his lap.

"Hatake Kakashi look into my eyes love".

"You're one of them aren't you? You fucking shadow people. I can't die! You can torture me all you want, but I can't die! So give it your best you piece of shit!"

"Look at my eyes NOW!"

Kakashi reluctantly locked eyes with two bold, almond orbes . . .

"My name is Umino Iruka. You are in a safe place. You are ok. You are free to calm down. You are free to calm down." Iruka drew an exaggerated breath through his nose and blew a minty fresh breeze into Kakashi's face. "Please flatten your hands."

He drew another breath, urging Kakashi to do the same.

"You are having a manic episode right now, but it will pass.I will wait for it to pass with you."

Puh.

Iruka flinched in shock when he felt warm spit splatter onto his face. "That's ok. Do what you need to do Kakashi. It will pass".

Kakashi continued to struggle, bucking his hips, banging his back against the solid wall behind him. "Iruka please I have to get away."

His voice turned fearful.

"Away from what? Baby?"

"Iruka! RRNnn!"

Iruka transferred Kakashi's wrists to Kakashi's sides onto the floor.

He leaned in, nestling his face into his broad shoulder. "I need you to know that you are safe. You are ok. You are free to calm down".

He began kissing flushed cheeks and a clammy neck. "Ssshhhh. Calm down with me. 10…9..."

Kakashi began to submit.

"8...7...6"

His heart rate began to slow down.

"5...4...3…"

Iruka began to ease off of Kakashi, regaining eye contact.

Flash.

Suddenly the Hatake's breath stopped, his eyes widened.

It was another hallucination.

A dark figure superimposed itself on Iruka's face. It opened its eyes like bright red lights.

His jaw sank unnaturally low in a silent but violent scream.

Ching!

Iruka found himself on the ground with the tip of a kunai pressing the side of his throat.

"Please." Iruka begged as the eyes above him darted around. He knew his life was in danger.

Iruka felt his pockets for a loaded syringe. He instinctively stabbed it into the the thigh that dug into his chest.

Kakashi's body went limp and fell to the ground.

Iruka climbed out from beneath.

This had never happened before. The melt down yes, but paranoia? Shadow people? He never heard of them before.

"You're hallucinating?"

Kakashi was becoming a liability, no longer to just himself but to the village.

Someone had to tell.

* * *

It had gone far enough, so far that Iruka was willing to confront, no gently approach . . . suggest to the Hokage-sama herself that she should take one of her best nin out of commission during the middle of a winning streak.

Please, Tsunade-sama, Kakashi needs a vacation during these fragile times.

He is currently not in the right condition to work. No, no, physically he is fully capable just you know, for his mental health.

No problem right?

The thoughts taunted him with their ludicracy as he paced around the hall.

"I'll just say it. If it doesn't work, at least I tried".

After 20 minutes, Iruka mustered up the courage to stand at the towering door of Tsunade's office.

"Come in Umino". Tsunade had grown tired of waiting for Iruka to sum up the courage to enter her office.

She had several meetings scheduled and had waited until there was a schedule gap to call him in.

"Tsunade-sama" Iruka stiffly bowed. "Sorry for coming unannounced, unscheduled.

"Yes?"

"Yes uuuhh. I wanted to speak with you on an important matter".

"Obviously". Tsunade smiled.

"So uh . . ." He was off to a great start.

"Hatake right?"

"Yes, Kashi . . .Hatake Kakashi-kun, he -"

"Has been doing quite well for himself. What, he's had to have made at least several G's this month alone. You must be a happy housewife." She taunted.

Iruka was taken aback by the passive aggressive comment.

Does she already know why I'm here?

She must.

We're roommates!

I mean every now and again we mess around but. . .

Did she just call me a housewife?

All at once thoughts popped up and left his mind, causing him to stutter.

"Tsunade-s-ss-sama." He had outgrown his stutter after several years in the orphanage.

The threat of yet another beating was inspiration enough for him to either keep quiet, avoid certain letters, and ultimately plow his way through sentences.

"Aww I thought you outgrew that." Tsunade noticed the distress in the pleading brown eyes before her and decided to let up. "Is everything alright?"

"Kakashi, may look like he is doing fine, but he is not. It may not seem like it, but he is becoming more of a liability than you think."

"Ok let's see. He has been on time even early for nearly all meetings, appointments, training. His paper work is a bit rushed but he is getting them in on time as well. In the past several months he has successfully lead and completed two A rank missions, 3 B rank missions, and 1 C rank mission he did with the kids."

"Yes. Well. Yes."

"Soooo?"

"I'm worried. B-because he's just going to crash and burn. And when he does you really can't predict when or where or what he will do when he does."

"Isn't your our anniversary coming up? Need some vacation time with hubby just say it and I can figure something out."

"We're roommates. I'm not his . . .his."

"OK ok." Tsunade chuckled. "The required amount of time the state has to give a nin to rest is three days or one week after all injuries have healed, but an A-rank shinobi is allowed to come earlier if they decide."

"Yes. . . but I don't think right now he is in the right state of mind to . . ."

"We have mental and physical screenings before every assignment. You pass you go. You don't pass, we move on. He is serving his village, protecting lives, battling them over there so we won't have to battle them here yadda yadda yadda. Plus he's making us money. Now my 1 o'clock is downstairs. SO you let me know when you are done with this conversation."

Iruka bowed and left. He knew there was no reasoning with a brick wall.

"Iruka-chan". Tsunade softened. "I'll keep an eye on him."

Fair.

* * *

"Aaaaaahhh!"

Boom!

"What the hell is going on?" Iruka had enough of the noise.

Kakashi had apparently dumped the entire contents of his dresser onto the floor, dresser included.

"Are you kidding me? Did you seriously just . . .You know what whatever." Iruka had had enough.

After confirming that everything was fine and this was just a tantrum, he made his way back out of the room.

"Fuck you Iruka! You're always leaving. That's what you do! You leave. Fucking bitch! Help me pick this shit up!"

Iruka was now fuming, he shot around.

"You know what? You need to grow the hell up! I am so fucking tired of your shit! I work hard everyday just to maintain this house while you fucking cause me grief! Spending money we don't have, breaking shit, leaving shit half way done, barging into my room-"

"You don't even know what the fuck you're talking about!"

"No! Kakashi! I don't know what it's like for someone to constantly deal with my shit, buy me food, do my laundry, go to work for 16 hours a day, and still have enough energy to-"

"Do you know what it feels like to be so amped up that you want to die!? Have you ever been so depressed that - urrrrr I can't calm down! I just want to aaahh!"

"Kakashi look at me." They locked eyes. Kakashi was high again. Probably some uppers.

"God Iruka, help me with the dresser!"

"You knocked it down you pick it up!"

"It falls over when it is empty, I just need someone to hold it up while I refill it."

Iruka examined the scene.

Every piece of clothing from the dresser now sat in a pile on the floor.

His eyes were severely dilated. There was a dried, smeared crimson beneath his nose. He was definitely taking drugs again.

Iruka turned to walk away. Kakashi firmly grabbed his arm. "Fuck ow! Let go of me!"

Iruka tried to yank away but to no avail.

"Hatake Kakashi if you don't let me go I swear to Kami I am going to leave! You will wake up and I will be gone!"

Kakashi snapped.

Iruka's world blacked as he felt his body being plowed into the wall where the dresser once stood.

The wind was knocked out of his body. He saw a fist flash before his eyes, he instinctively covered his face, one scar was enough.

He opened his eyes to a Hatake with a shocked look on his face, mirroring his own. He had punched a hole in the wall right next to his head.

Pause.

"Go then! I don't give a fuck! You know what?" Kakashi's pride took over, fueling his denial of what he almost did. "You only walk away to hear me beg for you to come back. It's the only way for you to feel wanted cuz you know nobody wants your funky ass! You're so fucking emotionally abusive! Sometimes I'd rather jump off the fucking balcony head first than deal with you!"

"Do a flip for me on your way down!" Iruka stormed away, masking his fear. He couldn't get to his room, to safety, fast enough.

"Alright fine!"

"Fine!"

Somewhere on his way out the room and down the hall Iruka hit an emotional wall, he was crying. "God I hate you."

The words were more directed to himself than Kakashi.

He had no other place or way to go. The thought fueled an anxiety within him.

His heart pounded as if trying to fight its way out his chest.

His breath became hollow, the room, the floor the world was spinning without him.

He fell to his hands and knees at the entrance of his room. "I'm trapped." He could not stop from shaking.

He was now sobbing in between hollow breaths.

Iruka always thought he was in control.

He just knew in his heart that he would never hurt him. But this time. . . what the fuck was that?

That fist was meant for him not the wall.

And though he was hallucinating, Kakashi held a kunai to his throat the other night.

What if he didn't flinch at the last moment? What if he did not have that syringe the other night?

Things were getting dangerous and he had no where to go.

Even if he did, what would become of Kakashi?

Call him cray but he says what he means and means what he says. And he just admitted to being suicidal.

And since when did Kakashi start abusing drugs?

Through the cloud of his fleeting thoughts, Iruka felt a presence above him.

Iruka struggled to his feet and turned to meet cold, dead eyes.

"I can't do this anymore."

* * *

 **Review Please :)**


	7. Ch 7 - Petrol and Chlorine

"You bought a suitcase?"

Shit Iruka had forgot to close his door. Kakashi leant against the doorframe, as he usually did.

It wasn't as if Iruka was going on a trip.

When Iruka had aged out of the system almost 10 years ago, it was around the same time Kakashi was getting his first place, this apartment.

Iruka never owned a suitcase, at the orphanage they were just given plastic trash bags to dump all of their belongings in.

Whenever he did go on a trip, which rarely happened, he would just borrow one of Kakashi's suitcases.

Iruka didn't have much of a plan. He happened to pass a shop that sold luggage.

The red, medium size suitcase caught his eye.

Beyond buying the suitcase, he didn't have much of a plan.

He had never gone this far before.

It was just a rash decision.

He filled it with travel sized toiletries and several outfits, shoes. It stood tightly zipped and parked by his bedroom door.

Though he had nowhere to go, he knew there was a chance that he would one day have to.

Both men were becoming increasingly aggressive towards each other.

One time, trying to reclaim the innocence of their relationship, they were play wrestling, where Iruka was winning.

Kakashi became frustrated.

Suddenly Iruka found himself locked with an arm underneath his neck, cutting off his windpipe.

He tapped on Kakashi's straining arm, accepting defeat.

Kakashi ignored him. Iruka's vision began to blur.

It seemed as if the copy-nin had checked out.

He didn't release Iruka until he felt his consciousness leaving.

He quickly released Iruka, forcing a laugh.

As Iruka choked on air, Kakashi abandoned him on the floor.

They never really addressed these moments.

They would just laughed it off or angrily left the apartment.

Kakashi strolled into Iruka's room.

He knocked the suitcase with his foot, it was full.

He made his way over to Iruka who was at his desk typing up progress reports.

He hovered over his shoulder, staring blankly at Iruka's laptop.

Neither had anything to say.

"Kakashi I -" Iruka turned to an empty room.

* * *

"Wake up! You're not sleeping all day."

Kakashi peeled open his eyes to two almond circles peering at him through strands of brown hair.

Even that took energy.

This was the 5th day he was home from a 2 week long mission.

For the past month, either due to work or him fooling around, he did not get more than an hour's rest before popping up and continuing his days.

Now he felt like he got hit by a bus.

Sleep made him sleepier.

The bed seemed to suck him in.

His muscles were stiff, first from the working too much, then from not properly stretching, then from being in one position for hours at a time.

He was mad at himself for being so useless.

He was doing so good what happened?

He was on time even early for everything, then he was late as usual, then he began missing meetings all together.

He had heard through the grapevine that Tsunade assigned Gai an assignment that was originally going to be for him for some reason.

Worthless. That's what you get for being worthless.

The days seemed to pass by without him. He felt like an old piece of shit.

And even worse, he was about to lose his Dolphin.

He had taken the fact that Iruka had no where to really go for granted.

He had taken him for granted. Kami he was such a burden.

A worthless burden, maybe he should just do everyone a favor and fucking kill hims-

"Come to the living room." Iruka broke his train of thought.

Iruka headed back out of the room knowing that Kakashi would trail behind him.

"I finished my work for the weekend so we can chill". Iruka hunched down in the living room, connecting a HDMI cord from his laptop to the television. "This website has all the latest movies from the civilian side."

Lying on his stomach, Kakashi had managed to cram himself into the creases of the couch and continued his melancholy snooze into a throw pillow.

Iruka chose a random movie and pressed play.

As the movie buffered, Iruka dragged Kakashi's legs onto his lap, and relaxed into the couch.

"Wake up!"

Iruka spanked the exposed ass with each syllable.

"Mmmmmm!"

"Sit up."

Kakashi flipped over and complied, driven by guilt more than energy.

Several film cliches and jolts awake later, Kakashi was buried into Iruka's chest with his arms wrapped around his waist.

They had both surrendered to sleep.

Iruka was the first to stir.

It was night.

The chill of the room woke him up. "Let's go to bed".

"Hm?" Kakashi's head popped up.

"Come on." The two felt their way to Kakashi's room.

Kakashi instinctively crawled into the left side of the bed.

The icy, white blankets caused him to curl into a ball.

"You want me to stay?" Iruka knew the answer, but it was nice having the confirmation that he was wanted.

Loved.

". . ."

That meant yes. Iruka crawled into bed.

He molded his body to a pale spine.

Kakashi backed into the warmth of the other body, absentmindedly grinding his ass into Iruka's penis. "Watch out now". Iruka smirked.

"You know you want me."

"There he is."

Kakashi purposefully begun to grind his ass harder into Iruka's pelvis.

Iruka attempted to scoot back in vain. His erection was already beginning to grow.

"When's that last time we've fucked?"

"Kakashi no."

"Come on."

"I don't have sex with crazy people."

Kakashi turned to face Iruka. He started an attempt to mount Iruka. "I'm fine now. I just want to fuck. Don't make me beg."

"Kakashi, you're still not well. When you're better . . ." Iruka kept his hands up, pushing the silver-nin off of him.

"Ooooh Kami. I'm fine, I just crashed from working virtually everyday for the past year."

"You held a kunai to my throat."

"How long ago was that? I'm sorry. Now fuck me."

"DO you want me to leave?"

". . ."

Kakashi paused at the loaded words.

He released the Umino completely.

* * *

"Eat. Now."

Another week had passed by with Kakashi not leaving the house.

There was no need.

Kakashi had not been called at all for an assignment for the past two weeks.

Why?

Kakashi could only assume it was due to the fact that he had missed so many general meetings and ANBU briefings.

But since he was not working, there was no reason to attend the ANBU briefings anyway.

Since he was no longer wanted or valued, why would he waste his time training and exercising too?

For what? To just come back home and do nothing all day? Fuck it.

Kakashi was in the same position as when Iruka had left him that morning.

The only change was the musk that now filled the room.

Iruka routinely peeled out of his day clothes and slipped into his house clothes.

This consisted of baggy grey sweatpants and an old wife beater.

He came to find that the same food that he ran home to he heat up for Kakashi during his lunch break was still in the microwave.

His agitation with the silver-nin begun.

The styrofoam box was now tossed onto the bed next to a plastic fork and a thinning nin.

"Take off your mask and eat. This is about to go bad. Don't waste my fucking money."

Kakashi opened the take out box of chicken and rice.

He moved his mask down to his chin, shoveled a mouthful of whatever his fork scooped, shut the box and sank back into bed.

"Real cute."

Iruka released his hair from his tight pony tail.

He shuffled around the room, changing into his house clothes.

Kakashi wasn't eating and it was beginning to show.

"I told everyone you were sick. Pretty soon you're going to need a doctor's note".

"..."

On his way out of the room Iruka stepped on a slightly bloodied kunai.

Fear and concern masqueraded itself as anger.

For two weeks Iruka had coddle Kakashi through this depressive phase.

As the days passed by, he started to feel the pressure of Kakashi not working.

When Kakashi was working, Tsunade would secretly give a percentage of the pay to him for bills.

But now the well had dried up.

Iruka reluctantly made his way back to the king sized bed where Kakashi was sulking.

He ripped away the sheets, revealing the Copy-nin's thin body that swam in an oversize t-shirt and sweatpants.

Kakashi would never do anything to his arms, people would notice the scars.

He at least wouldn't unless he was planning to finally off himself.

Iruka flicked up Kakashi's t-shirt. Nothing.

He double checked his arms, of course nothing.

There was nothing other than old, healed scars from work.

He peeled down his pants. Red streaks of dried, black and red scabs tore the skin of his hips.

Until Iruka's annoyed reaction, Kakashi lied absent minded, staring into the white wall that happened to be in front of him.

He quickly pulled his sweatpants back up, then the blankets.

Iruka disappeared from the room and reappeared with an empty sack.

"I'm not playing babysitter. I have to work two jobs just to make ends meet without you working."

Iruka began scouring the room for anything sharp. Whatever he found was angrily slammed into the bag.

"I spend all day, running after kids. Working in the office. Training, tutoring, making lesson plans, volunteering, grading. . ."

The bag was half full and all the obvious spots were covered: closet, back pockets of tossed pants, shelf.

Now it was time for the hiding places.

"When I come home I like to relax. Shit maybe hang out with friends. But no, I have to come home and check if a

28 year old child hasn't killed himself yet." Iruka was onto the cheap razors and sewing needles.

"Have to go out, lying about your whereabouts. Wasting my Goddamn money, EAT THE DAMN FOOD!"

Kakashi shot up at the demand. Iruka was fuming.

"You were supposed to have turned half of these back to the office anyway!"

SLAM.

Kakashi could still hear muffled mutterings throughout the apartment.

In the stillness of the room, Kakashi realized that he had fucked up, like he always seemed to do.

Guilt washed over him.

The least he could do is finish the food that Iruka had bought him three days ago.

* * *

 **While writing this chapter I was listening to Petrol and Chlorine by Silverchair. It seemed so fitting.**

 **Review Please. And thanks everyone for your support.**


	8. Ch 8 - No end

Tweet. Tweet. Tweet. Brrrrrrr. Tweet. Tweet. Tweet.

A bird hopped around on the deck in the morning rays. Its song intertwined with the light shining into the dim master bedroom.

It rang the Hatake's senses and filled his heart with new energy.

Today he was going to make a change.

Today he was going to go to the office, apologize for missing the meetings, and figure how he could start getting assignments again.

He was done feeling sorry for himself, he had taken his Dolphin for granted, and now it was time to make it up to him.

Hatake Kakashi cleaned up well.

He stood in the mirror observing his reflection, promising himself never again would he be a burden.

He headed off to the mission office.

* * *

"Wooooww!" Konohamaru's voice carried throughout the class.

"Shh, it's quiet time. Do your classwork." To Iruka's demise, a figure caught the corner of his eye.

At the doorway stood Kakashi, dressed in full combat gear, a vision the children only saw in parades and story books.

The children grew restless. "Class! By the time the big hand hits the 5, we are reviewing the work! Get on it please."

Iruka scurried to the hallway.

"Did you go to the Hokage behind my back?" Kakashi disregarded all niceties.

"What the hell are you doing? I work here. I have 30 children all below the age of 10 to look after. I am on a tight schedule." Iruka's skin burned red, a vein popped out of his forehead as he screamed in hushed tones.

"I go to all my meetings, briefings, training . . . I go to the office to get my check, Tsunade - sama hands me a check written to you? Now why would she write my money, my check to you?" Kakashi pulled out a crumpled check from his back pocket and tossed it into Iruka's face.

He caught it. That's right, it wasn't much, but Shinobi of Kakashi's caliber did receive compensation for these various daily tasks.

"You're going to my boss behind my back?"

"She's everybody's boss Hatake."

True.

Iruka heard his class getting antsy. "Next person who talks gets their name written on the board!" Iruka knew how to multitask.

"After school you are going straight to the bank and cashing this check!" Kakashi pinned Iruka to a nearby locker.

"I am going to deposit it into my account so I can pay the water bill. Or did you forget that we had bills while you were pouting in your room for the past two weeks?"

"Iruka-sensei?" A small voice called from down the hall. The little girl from a neighboring class caught both men's attention. "Go back to class sweetie."

"Ok." The child obliged.

Finally having respect for where he was, Kakashi released Iruka.

"You have some fucking nerve. I'll see you when I get home." Iruka spoke into zany eyes.

"Ok class pencils down! Pass your paper to your neighbor. No one should have their own paper!" Iruka peeled back into his class.

* * *

The apartment was eerily still.

The air hung stiff.

The dead silence caused a faint ringing in Iruka's ears.

"Hello?" Usually around this time a day, the television would be blaring over heavy breaths of a sleeping man.

But this time nothing.

Suspicious.

Iruka poked his head into Kakashi's bedroom. No one.

He crept in further into the room to check the bathroom attached to the bedroom. Empty.

The dresser was back up, covering the fresh hole in the wall from their last fight.

Kakashi did not have an assignment so he should be home. "Whatever."

He was probably sulking over sake at some bar.

As soon as his interest in Kakashi's whereabouts subsided, he was locked away in his room, drifting away with the music ringing through his headphones.

It was around the 3rd stanza of his 2nd song when he realized: The Deck.

He rushed back to the master bedroom where the deck was attached.

He noticed the shadow of a man. He cracked open the rarely used sliding door and peered onto the other side.

Kakashi sat in his full body black suit, that clung to his physique.

His head was buried into his knees, his arms wrapped around his shins.

Beyond the slight raising of his hollow breaths, he was lifeless.

"Hey".

". . ."

"Ooookay".

An empty pill bottle fell to the ground. Iruka knelt down, snatching the bottle from the ground.

Oxycodone

Medical gave these out like candy for nins who needed constant pain management.

Every household seemed to have an old pill bottle laying around somewhere.

"How many did you take!?"

Silence.

Iruka nudged him.

The body below gave a lot easier than expected. Kakashi toppled over. His unconscious face revealed itself. "Kami!"

Iruka fell to his knees. "Kakashi! Kakashi!"

He began aggressively rubbing the man's sides and shoved his fingers down the other man's throat.

The body in his grasp naturally begun to gag. He bent Kakashi over in order to better allow something to come out. "Please Kakashi no!"

Hot liquid spilled over his hands onto both of their clothes and onto the deck floor. Iruka knew he had more to give.

He cradled the vomit stained man and forced his fingers back down again.

Another wave of bile, undigested pills and Kami knows whatever else came rushing out.

Dry heaving followed.

"Please no Kashi." Iruka felt so small.

Kakashi, struggled to catch his breath.

His struggle for breath morphed into a fight to be left to die.

"What are you doing? What the fuck?" Iruka snaked his arms underneath the other man's shoulders and around his chest.

He lifted and dragged him back into the bedroom.

Iruka peeled Kakashi's now filthy suite off of him leaving him to lie in his boxer briefs on the floor.

It was easier to bring over a trash can. "Here Kakashi. Go on."

Kakashi didn't move.

Iruka fetched a wash clothe from the bathroom.

He wrapped it around two fingers and dove his clothed fingers back down the copy-nin's throat.

Kakashi's body thrashed and gagged. He seemed to have nothing more. He began struggling over the trashcan to break free gain.

Iruka maintained the placement of his fingers. Soon the clothe warmed and swelled. Bile and more half digested pills leaked through.

Exhausted, both nins fell limp onto the floor, panting.

* * *

"So here's the deal. If this was food poisoning, we can right food poisoning on this line right here and move one." The nurse explained.

"If this was an overdose or attempted suicide, that is a whole other set of paperwork. Plus we would have to commit him to the mental health ward for at least 2 weeks for CBT therapy and monitoring, he would have to pass several stages of more aggressive mental screenings over the next year since statistics show that those who have attempted before are 100% more likely to attempt again within the following year. This includes surprise home visits and inspections, and being barred to certain weaponry, which may further limit the missions he can take-"

"Food poisoning."

"Good choice."

Bureaucracy, money and politics. That's what everything boiled down to.

Back when some guy was running for some political office several years back, an initiative was started to lower the suicide rates of Shinobi.

This was an attempt to "unite" the nations without having to be too political.

The problem was most governments did not have the resources (aka will to give up the money) needed to pay for increased counselling, longer rest periods, and group counseling sessions.

In order to comply with the mandate, or "noose limit" as nins so gingerly referred to it, villages did technically provide all services required.

But these came at the potential cost of your career, the guaranteed cost of your money, and of course mountains of paperwork.

To avoid this, nins conveniently started getting "food poisoning" (overdose), dying due to "Friendly Fire" (self-harm) or were "Missing in Action" (clinically depressed and unable to work).

The politician may or may not have won, no one could really keep up.

There was an international agreement between all nations for the first time.

Though suicide rates stayed about the same, with some fluctuations depending on the time of year, on paper, it was at its all time low.

Victory.

"Can I see him?" Iruka was led to a plush hospital room in the ER.

Hatake had great insurance.

"We got to start paying attention to what we put in our bodies huh Hatake-kun?!" The nurse patronize the nin. "No more gas station sushi for you!"

Kakashi and Iruka simultaneously raised their middle fingers in unison behind her back.

When they were left in the room, Iruka's mood darkened. "So how many more times are we going to do this?"

". . ."

"I just need to know so I can figure out when I am allowed to live my own life without wondering whether or not I am going to come home to a corpse".

". . ."

"Kakashi!" He was finally graced the still anxious Umino with an embarrassed gaze.

". . ."

The reality of the situation caused Iruka's eyes to redden and throat to choke up.

He almost lost his friend, his enemy, his lover, his family, his everything . . .

"Why would you try to leave me?" He sniffed.

".. ."

He took out clothes from his satchel and placed them at the foot of the bed.

Panic suddenly raced through Kakashi's body.

He reached for a nearby blue bag, formed it to his mouth and threw up again.

Yellow bile mix with charcoal filled the bag.

He heaved again.

* * *

To legally have access to psychiatric care, they would have to be honest about what this was.

Kakashi would have to be diagnosed with a mental illness - Bipolar Disorder and would have to go through several protocols before he could work again.

Even if he were to receive treatment, It would take months before he would find the right medication, even so, it may still have adverse effects on his performance.

This would constrain what assignments he would be available to do.

And there was no replacing the renown copy-nin.

The best they could hope for is that some psychiatrist, who did not mind the risk of throwing away their entire career, would take pity on the Hatake and slip him something underneath the table.

Until then . . . there was no true end.

* * *

 _1 Month Later_

It was another long day. A blur of kids, paperwork, angry parents, disorganized Shinobi so on and so forth.

The Umino took the back streets and allyway short cuts home to avoid being stopped again by a parent or a student or whoever.

He exhaled as he opened the door to the apartment. He tossed his keys on the counter, kicked off his shoes, opened the mail, and read a letter from the landlord.

"That is some bullshit." He muttered to himself.

His heart skipped a beat when out of nowhere, two slender arms wrapped themselves around his waist from behind. "Kashi fuck!"

"I'm home."

It had been a while since he had been held like this.

Kakashi knew.

Giving into the embrace, Iruka turned around to face him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders.

He nestled his face into the crick of his neck.

He inhaled vanilla and pine trees.

"For how long?"

"No assignments coming up that I know of."

"Good maybe you can get some rest."

* * *

 **Whelp that's it. Thanks for reading. Let me know what you think yo.**


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